Anti-Barney Songs

This article found on Uncyclopedia.

 

Joy To The World The Big Man’s Dead

(Sung to the tune of “Joy To The World)

Joy to the world
That Barney’s dead
We barbecued his head!
What happened to his body?
We flushed it down the potty
Down into the sewer, straight into the manure
Round and round it goes!

Five years later, chewin’ on his underwear
Wish he had another pair
Eaten by a polar bear!
Chewin’ on his underwear

Nine years later, had another barbecue
I had to go to the restroom
I run up the stairs and look in the toilet
And there was Barney’s head!

Joy to the world
That Barney’s dead
We barbecued his head!
What happened to his body?
We flushed it down the potty
Round and round it goes like Indiana Jones
We watched it go round and round!

 

I Hate You

(Sung to the tune of “This Old Man”)

I hate you
You hate me
Let’s tie Barney to a tree
With an M16 and a pistol full of lead
We just shot off Barney’s head

I hate you
You hate me
Barney gave you H.I.V.
So we punched him in the balls and shot him in the head
Now that purple thing is dead

I hate you
You hate me
Lets all go and kill Barney
With a baseball bat
And a Four-by-Four
No more purple dinosaur

I hate you
You Hate Me
Let’s tie Barney to a tree!
I’ll get the match,
You get the gasoline,
Light the match and watch him scream.

I hate you
You hate me
We’re a racist family
So let’s kill that big, fat freak they call Barney
Then we will be more happy

I hate you,
You hate me
Let’s hang Barney from a tree
With a knife, and a gun, and a bullet through his head
Till that purple thing is dead

I hate you,
You hate me
The ratel army killed Barney
With a gun and a tank and 12 atomic bombs
We’re all glad that Barney’s gone

I hate you,
You hate me
Lets tie Barnie to a tree
Stab him in the back shoot him in the head
Now the purple thing is dead

 

On Top of Old Oakey

(Sung to the tune of “On Top Of Old Smokey”)

On Top of a old oakey
All covered in blood
I shot evil Barney
With a .500 stud

I went to his fun’ral
I went to his grave
Some people threw flowers
I threw a grenade

Now Sorry for Barney
all covered in red
And now you can all see
that Barney is dead

I dug up the body
and cloned the remains
And just for the pleasure
I killed him again

 

Deck the Halls

(A violent Christmas favorite)

Deck the Halls with bloody dino
Hahahahahahahahaha
See the nuke charge like a rhino
Hahahahahahahahaha
Barney’s dead on Christmas day
Hahahahahahahahaha
Now There’s nothing left to say
Hahahahahahahahaha

Evil mind controller’s gone
Hahahahahahahahaha
His remains lay on the lawn
Hahahahahahahahaha
Now the world is safe again
Hahahahahahahahaha
No more counting one through ten
Hahahahahahahahaha

Barney’s evil scheme is ruined
Hahahahahahahahaha
Now the studio is suin’
Hahahahahahahahaha
Oops! They ran out in less than an hour
Hahahahahahahahaha
Barney has lost all his power
Hahahahahahahahaha

Deck the halls with heads of Barney
Hahahahahahahahaha
Serves him right for being crummy
Hahahahahahahahaha
Now let’s sing this song again
Hahahahahahahahaha
This song shall never end
Hahahahahahahahaha

 

Barney Opening Theme Song

Barney was a dinosaur
from our imagination,
Put him in the microwave,
He’ll die from radiation!

Barney was a dinosaur
From our imagination,
He stuck a pencil up his arse
And died from constipation!

 

Jingle Bells

(Another violent Christmas favorite)

Dashing through the snow
On a pair of broken skis
Downhill Barney goes
Crashing into trees
The snow is turning red
We think he’s almost dead
Now let’s go get a two-by-four and hit him on the head

Jingle Bells, shotgun shells
Purple dino’s dead
We struck him with a two-by-four
And shot him in the head

Baby Bop, Baby Bop
Tried to save his life
But an action man from Pakistan
Stabbed her with a knife

 

Row Your Boat

(Especially fun around the campfire)

Row, row, row, your boat
gently down the stream
Push Barney overboard
And listen to him scream

Five days later
he rose from the dead
took a 12-gauge shotgun
and blew off his head

 

ABCs

(Just for fun!)

A, B, C, D, E, F, G
Barney is my enemy!
Hit ‘im with a piece of lead
Now we know that Barney’s dead!
Now you know I hate Barney
Next time won’t you sing with me!

Humor #6 Comic Strips

Guess what I found?! UnToons!! It is part of the UnProjects and I had stumbled upon it while I was doing my daily read through mischievious and cunning Uncyclopedia.

[untoon source 1, 2 & 3]

 

 

 

 

 

Mafia Kid

A mafia’s son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes, “Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new…” He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws it away.

He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, “Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new…” He again looks at it with disgust and throws it away.

He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother’s room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, “Dear baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again…”

Hitman Humor

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, “Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn’t turn up.” “Sure,” they said, “You’re welcome.”

 

So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer.

 

Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, “What do you do for a living?”

 

“I’m a hit man,” was the reply.

 

“You’re joking!” was the response.

 

“No, I’m not,” he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful sniper’s rifle with a large telescopic sight. “Here are my tools.”

 

“That’s a beautiful telescopic sight,” said the other friend, “Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here.” So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house. “Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window. I can see my wife in the bedroom! Wow I can see she’s naked!! Wait a minute, that’s my neighbor in there with her… He’s naked, too!!! The b*tch !!!!”

 

He turned to the hit man, “How much do you charge for a hit?”

 

“I’ll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger.” “Can you do two for me now?”

 

“Sure, what do you want?”

 

“First, shoot my wife, she’s always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth.” “Then the neighbor, just shoot his d*ck off to teach him a lesson.” The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes.

 

“Are you going to do it or not?” he asked impatiently.

 

“Just be patient,” said the hit man calmly, “I think I can save you a thousand dollars here…..”

Kid vs Monster

This is the definition of cuteness! And the way she talks, kind of resembles how perhaps the Mafia from areas like Brooklyn might sound.

#3 The Blonde and the Deodorant

The blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don”t sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. “I”m sorry,” says the pharmacist, “we don”t have any.”

“But I always get it here,” says the blonde.

“Do you have the container it comes in?”

“Yes!” says the blonde, “I will go and get it.”

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says to her, “This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant.”

The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container: “To apply, push up bottom.”

Humor #2

I am feeling slightly better today. I had a good chat my sister about things and it felt good that she understood where I was coming from and showed me loads of support. It feels good, so I thought I post some funnies to make you feel good too.

 

 

Juan the Smuggler

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. A guard stops him and says, “What’s in the bags?”

“Sand,” answered Juan.

The guard says, “We’ll just see about that. Get off the bike.”

The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, lifts them onto the man’s shoulders and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, “What have you got?”

“Sand,” says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events repeats every day for three years. Then one day, Juan doesn’t show up. The guard meets up with him in a cantina in Mexico.

“Hey, buddy,” the guard says, “I know you’re smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about. I can’t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?”

“Bicycles,” Juan says.